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The identity of the whereabouts remained at first unrecognisable to Alien Babe.
Slowly but surely, she began to comprehend the characteristics. It was understandable why she had found it difficult to assimilate her perceptual abilities to these surroundings in the first place: for some unknown reason, the plants in the set-up seemed to have been spray-painted black with a heavy hand. It was like being stuck in an emo version of the garden scene of the Earth-based classic ‘Alice in Wonderland’.
“Icarus, you have evidently brought a female companion as your guest,” remarked an old man with a white beard. Alien Babe did not know this off the bat, but later found this ancient dude to be Daedalus, the creator of both Ice as well as of the successful and incredibly lucrative ‘Labyrinth 1000’ franchise.
In private, Ice chose to refer to his father as Big D. The author finds this funny and has elected to adopt this nomenclature for the remainder of the story.
“How do you dare have the audacity to come show your face after the insane hubris you demonstrated over the past couple of days? Are you genuinely incapably stupid or are you simply unwilling to follow my advice? What would your mother say?” asked Big D.
“I uhh, I, I,” stuttered the son.
“Furthermore, you know I do not approve of female companions from other planets!” he raged, the same cold flames burning in his eyes that have before been mentioned to exist in his son’s.
“This is umm…ahhh…uh…” Ice could not find a satisfactory way to express the relationship of the newly formed intimate acquaintances and decided to settle on the least controversial of the options “….my friend…her name is Alien Babe,” he continued.
“Well, judging by the fact that she has brought you home to me, she seems to be having quite a positive influence on you. I can also see that she has a staggeringly brilliant sense of style – maybe she could help you revamp that whole dated green thing you have going on. In terms of looks though, there is no doubt that you could do much better. But you have managed to sidetrack me! Do not for a second imagine that this other individual could in any way bring all the attention away from your mistakes! The events that have unfortunately unravelled have demonstrated you to be stupidly young and proud. I feel compelled to punish you but will first allow you a final opportunity to redeem yourself. I promise that if you manage to complete this task, I will let you off the hook,” said Big D.
Ice glanced quickly down at his scar and at his messed-up wings, propping him up onto the ledge of uncertainty. There was no guarantee that his system was yet prepared to take on the next stage of the adventure.
Alien Babe averted her gaze and brought it around in a circular motion. She noticed how the disordered forestation was a lush dusky hollow. Could the unusual pigmentation of the plants just be a depiction of them preparing for a Halloween party? It was indeed that time of year and she had recently read some fiction that touched on the theme of the secret life of botanical decorations.
A second equally strange plot line was also unfolding within her cortical structure:
“Heyyy, remember me?” whispered Anxiety.
Alien Babe denied a reply and resolved to bring out a humour weapon to shut down the frightful fest.
Recalling the nude nature of the younger creature standing in her proximity would probably do.
The lights of the Anxiety disco went out.
“Hahaha much better,” thought Alien Babe.
“But Dad, I sort of did do what you asked me to. The map is right here,” struggled Ice, clutching his open wound.
“Ohh let me see it,” said Big D.
Still gripping his walking stick, Big D inched towards Ice to take a closer look. His white beard grazing the surface of the ground, he peered intently through cloudy and cracked spectacles that looked to be at danger of falling from his crooked nose.
“Ahh yes, this is indeed it! Curse that fake creative director who stole it in the first place. I know I should have just kept running the business on my lonesome as always. I do firmly believe that these modern innovations have never brought us anything half beneficial,” mumbled Big D, “Ok well…the fact that you actually possess the correct map is of help to your case. I now present you with a proposition! I will provide you with another task to complete, one that if you are able to accomplish, will shield you from the negative repercussions that would follow from this first mistake. Needless to say that I will probably still install a tracking device into your nose piercing. But never minding!!! Your next challenge is this: there is a Minotaur teen stuck in the river portion of this maze. I can see through the security cameras that she is standing on the dock, refusing to press the button on the system that sends a ship that allows her to leave the game,” told Big D.
“Yeah ok, we’ll go check it out,” said the son, “Thanks for giving me a briefing of what the floor-plan of the house down there on Erf looked like before I took off, that proved incredibly effective for allowing me to rapidly retrieve what I was looking for,” added Ice.
“Ahh ok, makes sense now,” thought Alien Babe.
Still stood in front of his father, Ice pressed the button on the same receiver from earlier, bringing him and Alien Babe to the true heart of the matter.
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The first thing they saw was a curvy figure stood parallel upon the dock. She seemed to have been planted within the wooden boards and was busy directly obscuring the decorative brightness of the setting sun. She was sexier than would be expected of a nude lady, but her appearance was admittedly not quite as x-rated as it could have been due to the naughty bits of her hourglass proportions being narrowly concealed with thick strips of long flowing hair. A set of small horns also populated the surface of her doubly-rounded head.
This was only speculative, but Alien Babe thought there could potentially be some sort of magnet underneath the waves. She made this inference based on the fact that the Minotaur lady seemed to be barely resisting an invisible power, clenching her core and back muscles to the maximum. This could not have been known by any in the actual situation at that particular moment, but force cast from the water was actually a harnessing spell, fashioned from the magical devices of the Underworld.
Another feature also stood out to Alien Babe: this particular scene was closely reminiscent of the warm hues that had been present outside the gas-station back on Erf. Alien Babe even reluctantly considered the possibility of the colour scheme having somehow been brought as a sort of secret passengers in a set of her non-existent luggage.
Not only could the shape now be viewed, but it was also perfectly certain that sound was radiating from it.
The drums were simultaneously within and without, curiously enveloping the entrance to her ears.
“ ‘How does it feel to treat me like you doo….’ ”
The Alien Babe had had an 80s obsessed phase in her youth and immediately recognised the tune as ‘Blue Monday’.
As Alien Babe and Ice began to sprint towards the shape, the songstress’ vocalisations intensified:
“ ‘I see a ship in the harbour, I can and shall obey…’ ”
The two rescue operators were steadily gaining on the girl.
“ ‘Now I stand here waiting…’ ”
They were now almost upon her, running hard with their toes treading on the surface of the damp of the dock.
The lyrics were running out:
“ ‘How does it feel when your heart grows cold?’ ”
‘SPLASH!’
Seductress sank like a log in the muddy stream.
“Ohhh shiiiit,” hissed Alien Babe.
Ice jumped in.
As already described in Part I of Part I, the newly appointed saviour was completely inept at dealing with any sort of immersion. He doggy paddled around weakly, barely managing to keep himself from drowning. Alien Babe made note of the substantial quantity of water he was inhaling and with great alarm realised him to be legitimately drowning.
It was now her mission to save both of the two equally idiotic idiots. Thanking herself for the brilliant idea of completing a lifeguarding certificate – she had been smart enough to know that this provided more opportunities than just access to a pool of other attractive life-forms to choose from – she dived in head first to assist the others.
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One Alien, one Minotaur and one Otherworldly now lay panting on the wet sand, coughing up slimy seaweed. Their bodies were limp fish, out of which fountains of tarry substance were steadily seeping.
The setting sun adopted various shades – instead of transforming from light to dark, the picturesque shifted from warm hues to cold. Equal parts paradoxical and beautiful, the fire globe descended in the distance, bleeding in to meet the rest of the sky. It took a while for the dip-dye to become a fully-fledged block of singularity.
With the soaking women withering on either side of him, Ice was called to attention. He glanced immediately down at the chest of the horned lady who was now silently sobbing into the same hair that had moments before been used to cover her privates.
Noticing this, the Alien Babe felt a green wave of jealousy flood into her splanged blood-pumper.
“Should’ve just got that damn boob job like my mom suggested,” she reflected.
Unsuspecting of the Alien Babe’s agitated inner monologue, Ice puffed up his bony emerald green chest, dispersing evermore salt into the Alien Babe’s wound.
“Hey you…are you alright? The water’s like really cold and I bet you’re going through some shit,” he said huskily to the Minotauress.
Dolefully awaiting positive reinforcement, the victim replied:
“Thank you soo much for saving me, I was really in a bad place you see. It all began when I read about the River Styx for my Mythology elective at school. Since I first encountered this occult idea, I became obsessed with death and everything related. It wasn’t until recently though, that I began to toy with the idea of actually joining their ranks and crossing onto their side of existence,” said the Minotaur lady before she drew a breath, “So I acted on this whim and found myself at an ‘Inter Galactic Death Convention’. The particular one I chose to attend was actually the most famous known as a ‘Death Fest’: most people there were pure enthusiasts like me, but still others were real-life experts. Both novice and seasoned alike had as a general rule joined cult-like organisations – the most extreme of those I encountered even wished to create societies on the outskirts of the mainstream, where residents would be given free reigns to explore the ‘Other Place’ as they called it. So as I was strolling along at this meeting of likeminded souls, one of these friendly men, a particular monk sporting a shaved semicircle bald-spot poking from the centre of a ring of matted hair, presented me with a special Monopoly board that he claimed would lead me to the where I needed to go to learn more. I quickly snapped a photo of its surface and inputted it into Planet Maps and realised the river he was most likely referring to was definitely not on my planet. With the help of this location service I found this river to be here, on planet Mortemanus. I swiftly acquired some cheap tickets for the Star Train and made my way here. What you saw when you first spotted me was not of my own volition, I believe something to be drawing me in!” she muttered, her voice coated with the cover of a silky soprano.
To both the Alien Babe as well as to any reader, this explanation seems inadequate in terms of providing a necessary basis to explain why this demi-bull had been driven to the edge of insanity.
It was also not noted before but should be noted now that the way in which the Minotauress recounted her side of the story was incredibly shifty. Really, anyone in their right mind could conclude there to have been something else at play[1].
The narrator paints these facts to be as clear as day, but to one lust-filled compatriot on this journey, it was not. But then again, it should also be kept in mind that Ice was in no way at all in his right mind. Desire distorted his process of understanding, crafting a string of reasoning in which every aspect along the arch of argument of the actress followed logically from the step that came before it.
“Ohh I see!” he remarked; eyes engrossed solely with the charm of his one love.
Noticing this, Alien Babe’s thoughts became venomous:
“Those kinds of ruminations should be reserved for the Hooters on planet Vicorn and should otherwise never make it to the public sphere. But what do I care, it’s not like I actually like him anyways.”
Her back was now turned to the infatuated, who were currently stood on the dock enthralled in observing the dazzling wonder that was the Minotaur chick’s floating Heelys that somehow still worked after having visited the bottom of the lake. Even in the absence of this visual input, the straggling roots of green envy that had already implanted into the soil of the Alien Babe’s consciousness were growing thicker by the second. The sensation paralleled one of thorns being pulled along the important parts of her upper cavity.
She was nearing at snapping point, and could just about barely stand the more desirable’s stupid giggling and the fact that Ice’s voice that had sunk nearly another half octave in an attempt to sound more manly.
“Adopting a temporary tenor isn’t gonna hide the fact that he’s got the physique of a pre-pubescent girl,” though Alien Babe.
She tried her very best to fortify her ignoring abilities. The effort was to some extent successful and for a few meditative moments, the only thing she absorbed was the details of the bottoms of her platform boots crunching along the slippery planet waste of the beach.
Respiring the maritime prospects, Alien Babe visualised every peak and valley making up its perimeter.
In the distance, a ship!
The water-wagon was still far away, but judging by growing size of the thing, the mass looked to be approaching the dock at a rapid pace.
Energising the vessel was Charon, the gatekeeper to the afterlife. He was a thin wisp made up out of skin and bone. His shiny white skull resembled a polished version of Yorick’s and allowed the incoming moonlight to reflect off its tinted ivory.
Although she could not make out every one of the exact details of the boat or of its only passenger – she was short sighted and had not brought along her portable magnification devices – Alien Babe did have enough biologically-endowed ability to spot the handful now hidden in the waves complementing the sea carrier.
It was a quadruplet of sirens, all blessed with shimmeringly golden locks, sounding their voice boxes in unison. The chiming harmonies produced by their vocal cords were well fitted, yet flooringly disconcerting.
All members of the triad stood along the beach dumbfounded, each of their three voices knocked out of existence with the powerful gong of silence.
They were singing the same song that had been sung by the Minotaur girl, but were instead stuck on the phrase that was most relevant to the here and now:
“ ‘How does it feel, when your heart grows cold?’ ”
What was even stranger was that this hymn appeared to be directed straight at that same Minotaur girl, who, to the complete annoyance of Alien Babe, was still occupying every last drop of Ice’s attention:
Nearly having reached the beach, the skeletal agent of death, who could now be seen wearing some type of thick see-through life jacket, began to make his intentions clear. With a perfectly timed waving action, he motioned for the beached life-forms to approach him. There was a stir of decision and then a pause.
Alien Babe knew what she would need to do.
Reviewing her options, she spotted in the distance a tattered set of birches inhabiting the inland.
“Uhh yeah, about time. I’ve been dreaming of escape since we got here,” commented Anxiety.
This time Alien Babe made not attempt to squash her inner monologue.
As she drew away, the same magnet that had been pulling in the sexy third character into the body of water had been propped up from the sea and placed between the soon to be unsuited counterparts.
A portion of the Alien Babes heart broke off within her b-cup chest. The removed shatter was pumped up to obscure the opening of her breathing track.
“Present me your obols and we shall be on our way!” shouted the skeleton from his boat.
“Yes!” sang the Minotaur girl, in her excitement inadvertently shimmying the globules originating from her washboard midsection (while this was quite a distinct action, it certainly did not go unnoticed by Ice).
“Uhh if you go, I’ll come with you,” he added, eyes still on the (two) prize(s).
Alien Babe’s feet were defilingly pinched into the core of the earth. Unsurprisingly, the low-key fourth figure was busy providing input:
“Just shut up and walk away, you’re gonna look stupid,” it said.
“You guys can go with this suspicious skeleton death operative if you really wanna, but I’m probs just gonna head home,” informed Alien Babe, agreeing with Anxiety.
Sensing her upset, Ice made an exertion at compensation:
“Uhhh Alien Babe, look…uh…you’re like cute and everything, but uhh…I think… uhh sorry what’s your name again?”
“It’s Jexicca VGT:!” interjected the hooved lady.
“Uhh yeah…Jessica…um she’s just more my type, you know, like personality wise. But you’re cute and you know like really great and everything. I’m sure you understand; I think I put my digits into your communication device if you wanna like come to a space rave on my planet or something…” this was all said while still searching for the wonders that apparently resided within the unmoving shadow cast between the spheres of fatty roundness of his true object of affection[2].
Alien Babe stormed away.
“Yes, you may only embark if you have this obol coin, otherwise I’m afraid you won’t be able to ride with me on my ferry….” rang Charon’s voice from behind her.
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Safely back on her home planet, the Alien Babe hid her disappearing form in the back-most corner of her allocated sleeping cabinet.
In unison, she and the Anxiety monitored the raucous screen.
What they saw was as advertisement for one of those bits of children’s stationary. The manufacturers of this particular brand had chosen to write deep meaningful phrases to draw in the money possessing counterparts of the target audience by promising these tiny accessories to be emblems of academic success.
Alien Babe later found that these products had been part of a test-trial modulated by the Space Commission, who were enterprising to make a little bit of extra cash to add to tax profits.
“What a random yet effective marketing strategy,” thought the Alien Babe.
One particular message on one particular Earth-bound eraser caught her fancy:
‘Errare Humanum Est’
The phrase had an unexpected impact on Anxiety: it encountered a devastating blow, sinking smaller and smaller till its breathing was no more than a shallow rasp.
In her amazement, the Alien Babe gasped and let out, exhaling her former companion.
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Back on Erf, Alien Babe greeted to the conscious buildings that now left her without hassle.
Her motorbike was gliding ferociously forwards and frontwards, aiding her passage into the unknowable oblivion up ahead.
‘DUU DU DU DUUU DU DU….Reach out and touch faith,’ radiated from the floating motorcycle in the desert, travelling with the dust particles up towards space.
[1]In fact, Ikarus would soon discover that the Minotaur girl was a con-artist after his father’s game empire. A prologue may later be written to explain this happening.
[2]Seriously, there could have been no other reasonable explanation for the intensity of his gaze.
WAST WRTNG 